Garbage Time

Hey Susan Collins, do the right thing WHEN IT MATTERS for a change

I am a frequent correspondent with Senator Susan Collins. I wouldn’t say that ours is a meeting of the minds, since it’s clear she pays no more attention to my opinions or existence than she does to those of the thousands of other Mainers who clutter up her inbox and light up her phone lines. It would not be hyperbolic to say that the Senator conveys the distinct impression that she does not give a sweet shit about any of her constituents, let alone other Americans affected by her corruption.

Yeah, I said it. Corruption. It’s not Trumpian corruption; it’s not accepting blinged-out 747s, or hawking NFTs, bibles and junky sneakers on the internet, or even shilling for Elon. It’s the personal kind of deceit and falseness, the kind where you sell your soul for power and trade the truth for weasel words. If you don’t believe me, let’s have a look at the facts. We remember facts, don’t we?

Ms. Collins took office in 1997. Her last town hall meeting with Maine voters was at least 20 years ago. Other figures peg it closer to 25. She does pop up in the state from time to time – attending a high school basketball game, headlining a fundraiser, asking for your vote – but when it comes to what she calls the “rough and tumble” of local meetings, our gal clearly prefers the friendlier confines of Capitol Hill.

She was elected as a moderate Republican, and she hails from the northern part of the state, which is reliably red. Southern Maine, however, is another animal altogether. It’s wealthier, more educated and bluer than Collins territory, and there are way more people living there. And so, to stay in office she walks a fine line, much like Maine’s other legislative sellout, Congressman Jared Golden (D-Whatever you want me to be). This manifests mostly in talking out of both sides of her mouth and casting what I have come to think of as garbage time votes.

For those of you who don’t follow sports, garbage time begins at the point in a game where the outcome is certain (say, for example, the Celtics leading the Knicks by 20 points with two minutes left in the fourth quarter), but the teams play out the remaining time knowing full well who has won and who has lost. In a situation like this, knocking down threes is good for juicing individual stats but makes no difference to the outcome. You see where I’m going with this, right?

After voting to acquit Trump in his first impeachment, saying he’d learned a lesson (really), she voted to convict him in the January 6 trial, but only because she knew the pro-impeachment faction lacked the votes to get to two-thirds. It was a safe garbage-time vote that she was betting would shore up her standing as a “maverick” with the blue voters at home without damaging Trump or alienating his supporters in the process. She’d just squeaked through in her own re-election bid, you see.

This is her MO. Play at “independence” by voting against Trump, but only when it won’t change the outcome, or work against him. Rack up garbage time points and use the stats to get elected for doing nothing that matters.

If you don’t believe me, look back at the Supreme Court hearings for Kavanaugh and Gorsuch. Both told Collins Rowe v. Wade was settled law. Both voted to overturn Wade. Collins was a crucial vote for Kavanaugh, and I don’t know about you, but it was pretty clear to me that he was not temperamentally fit for the job, and worse, that he was a liar, and not even a very convincing one at that. Oh, and Collins knew Manchin was a yes, so she was in the clear.

Collins voted against Amy Coney Barrett who slung the same line of bullshit about Roe, but our Susan’s nay was immaterial to the outcome. What it did do is let her sink another abortion rights jumper with thirty seconds to play and a 15-point advantage. Give ‘em holy old hell, Susie.

Now, in Trump’s second term – in which we learn that not only is the emperor-king naked, he’s demented, too – our gal in DC showed her “independence” by casting token NO votes on two of Trump’s most egregious appointees (Kash Patel and Pete Hegseth) whom she knew would get through anyway. Her YES votes went to such leading lights as Kristi Noem (puppy killer), Pam Bondi (Qatar stooge), Tulsi Gabbard (Putin stooge), and RFK Jr (brainworm survivor, roadkill thief, and cod liver oil stooge). These people are all evil and/or certifiable, and not one of them should have been confirmed, but Susie C. got her MAGA street cred, and that’s all that matters. Swish!

But here’s the thing of it, as we say in Maine: Her numbers aren’t great. In 2014, she won re-election with a whopping 68% of the vote. 2020 was a different story, however. Even with a weak opponent, she pulled just a hair under 51%, with independent candidates accounting for 6.6% of all votes cast. Her tissue of lies and dissembling and weasel words is getting threadbare, and the light of truth is starting to seep through. Mainers are not dumb, or at least not as dumb as our Senator seems to think we are, and we have eyes. The only people she’s fooling are the fools. I wonder if she’s concerned yet?